Demiurge

Anyone who questions that an evil god presides over this universe need only see Celine Dion paying air guitar to quell his doubts.

Variations on themes

If you take common acronyms and replace a letter, you might end up with a hilarious new concoction.

For example:
JFC might stand for Jelly-Fried Chicken. Doesn't that sound awful! It does to me.

That one was so funny to me I can't think up another. Oh well! BattleCobra90000 out!

If I were an automobile

I'm not sure if Barbara Walters ever asked somebody this, but I can imagine her doing so: if you were a car, what kind of car would you be?

This is the question people ask themselves when they go shopping for cars. What kind of a car am I? I think, then, that I am a used car. At least that's the kind of self/car I can afford.

But if we're talking about ideals, then I suppose I am some kind of Battle-ready Cobramobile. Say, the BattleCar-bra90000SMX. It shoots venom.

Keywords: tacit, mankind, broccoli

As science finds newer and better ways to capture the tacit knowledge accumulated by mankind, I hope they make a special place for this: beef and broccoli are delicious together.

News you can get elsewhere

The weather's been pretty crazy around here lately. I've enjoyed it, though. I usually don't like extreme weather all that much, but you know what? I think our recent weather has been alright.

Best friends

They say that dog is man's best friend. (I think it's fair to assume they mean both men and women.) But they also say that diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Results 1 - 10 of about 1,430,000 for "best friend" dog. (0.29 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 722,000 for "best friend" diamonds. (0.24 seconds)

The dogs have it.

Full of stuff

Sometimes a compliment isn't a compliment.

On Second Thought

Rock, paper, scissors, Cadillac.

Rock, paper, scissors, meet your new dad

Goal:

1. Add a fourth item to rock, paper, scissors
2. The item must fit between rock and paper, paper and scissors, or scissors and rock
3. The item must affect only its nearest neighbors

Methodology:

1. Identify candidate objects
2. Evaluate interactions between candidate object and rock, paper, and scissors

Results:

1. Five candidate objects were evaluated. They are:
• Blowtorch
• LP record
• Coffee beans
  
• Coffin
• Money
2. Of these candidates, Coffin is the most suitable addition to rock, paper, scissors
3. Detailed results:
• Blowtorch is able to burn paper and melt scissors. Blowtorch has no effect on rock.
• LP record can be smashed by rock and can cover scissors, but has no effect on paper.
• Coffee beans do not interact with rock, paper, or scissors.
• Coffin can house the remains of scissors, and can be nailed shut with rock. Paper does not interact with coffin.
• Money can purchase scissors, but does interacts with neither rock nor paper.

Analysis:

1. Of the candidates, LP record and coffin offer the most promise as additions to rock, paper, and scissors. LP record can be smashed by rock and can cover scissors, but these interactions are not new.
2. Coffin not only introduces new interactions (i.e. "hammering shut," and "housing remains"), but does so with panache.
   

Further study:

1. Additional analysis is needed to determine whether coffin and paper are truly inert with respect to each other.
2. Other objects may prove more suitable than coffin. This study has determined only that coffin is the best choice among the five candidates evaluated.
   

Fear

If you haven't already, consider developing a healthy fear of bears.

Ease of use

They do make it easy, don't they?

Double plus awesome

1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

George Orwell, Politics and the English Language, 1946

A very well-thought out trusim said in a way that's really, truly clear

"Circumlocution is a large description either to sette forth a thyng more gorgeouslie, or else to hyde it."

Thomas Wilson, The arte of rhetorique, 1553

Celebrity sighting

Today I saw Elizabeth Taylor driving a teal Ford Taurus. She was making a left turn into The Keg.

A missed opportunity for irony

I was stuck in freeway traffic behind a car accident the other day. When I finally crept up to the scene, I saw an ice cream truck had T-boned a sedan. Further up, a truck was pulled over and had some damage to its hood. There wasn't any ice cream in the road--it all stayed inside the truck.

You might have heard of some of these?

Here are a few cities and their populations.

Shanghai	9,862,000
Beijing	7,607,000
Chongqing	6,609,000
Tianjin	5,325,000
Wuhan	4,411,000
Harbin	4,350,000
Shengyang	4,333,000
Guangzhou	4,361,000
Chengdu	3,459,000
Nanjing	3,095,000
Changchun	2,878,000
Chicago	2,869,000
Xi’an	2,858,000
Dalian	2,754,000