* The backs of my knees

We have good names for body parts. Elbow. Sternum. Hip. These are good, solid words. Why, then, friends, do we not have words for the backs of our knees and elbows? Are they "crooks" or "bends?" Those words describe other things too. We need new words. Here's a starter list, we'll take a vote later.

Knee-backsides:

• Gordem
• Notchit
• Flav
• Forg
  

Elbow-backsides:

• Crystic
• Slaigh
• Joon
• Arm-forg

Detarded

I managed to leave the house this morning dressed in dark blue jeans, a striped French dress shirt, Converse low-tops and no belt. Tellingly, my wife and I were discussing Big Bird (or as I was calling him "Big Burden"), Sesame Street's lovable-but-retarded avian castmember. This is God's way of getting back at me.

I didn't notice I was without a belt until just a few minutes ago. I set out to recover from my mistake. Strategy one: see if I can untuck the shirt. Cool guys wear their shirttails untucked; so can I. Fail. The shirttail is too long, hanging almost to the backs of my knees.* Strategy two: turn failure into success! If the shirttail is so long, why don't I "let it all hang out" by tucking in the shirt, but then "poofing" it over my waistline. Voila, you can't tell if I have a belt on or not.

* See next post.